Don’t Speak Unless Spoken To
One of the oldest etiquette rules from the Boomer generation was the idea that you should stay quiet unless someone directly addresses you. It’s a mindset that often stemmed from a more formal society where speaking out of turn could be seen as disrespectful. In modern times, however, the concept of everyone having a voice has really taken hold. Social media, podcasts, and open forums allow for people to express themselves freely, and the same sentiment applies in real-life conversations says PureWow. Now, interrupting or contributing to a discussion isn’t automatically seen as rude, especially if you have something relevant to add. People are often encouraged to speak up, share their thoughts, and even challenge ideas that don’t sit well with them. This shift has been especially prevalent in the workplace, where collaboration and creativity thrive on open communication. Rather than waiting for permission to speak, many people feel empowered to add their voice when they feel it’s needed. Of course, it’s still important to be respectful and listen, but there’s a lot more room for inclusivity now. Everyone has different experiences and perspectives, and it’s those diverse contributions that often drive meaningful conversations.
In a world that increasingly values diversity and inclusion, this outdated rule doesn’t carry as much weight as it once did. In fact, silence in meetings or group settings can sometimes even be perceived as disengagement or a lack of interest. People today are expected to be proactive, express their opinions, and show their individuality. For example, the rise of remote work has made people more comfortable speaking up on video calls and contributing in virtual meetings. The freedom to voice an opinion is seen as a strength rather than a flaw. Gone are the days when children were supposed to remain completely silent around adults, as this has now been replaced with the idea of teaching kids to express themselves respectfully. In relationships, being able to express feelings and concerns without hesitation is also seen as a healthy approach explains New York Post. So, while the idea of not speaking unless spoken to may have worked in the past, today it feels more like a relic of a bygone era. The modern approach encourages openness, dialogue, and authentic self-expression.
Women Should Never Speak First
Another rule that’s largely been left behind is the notion that women should never speak first in social situations, especially when meeting someone new or in professional settings. This concept was born out of an era where gender roles were strictly defined, and women were expected to be more passive or demure. In contrast, today’s world embraces women taking initiative and leading conversations. It’s become increasingly common for women to speak first, introduce themselves, and even initiate discussions in the workplace. This shift has been fueled by movements like feminism and the ongoing push for gender equality, which have dismantled outdated norms and stereotypes. Women leading in business meetings, giving speeches, or taking charge in social settings isn’t just normal—it’s celebrated adds The Washington Post. In fact, many workplaces actively encourage women to take the lead and assert themselves confidently. Today, if a woman chooses not to speak first, she’s not seen as being polite or respectful, but rather as someone possibly struggling with self-confidence or empowerment.
The rule that dictated women should wait for men to speak first has also changed with the rise of women’s representation in all areas of life. Politicians, CEOs, activists, and educators—women have been breaking barriers and stepping into leadership roles at an unprecedented rate. This newfound visibility has led to a cultural shift, where women are no longer expected to stay silent but instead are encouraged to assert themselves. Whether it’s in a personal conversation or in a boardroom setting, the expectation is that both men and women should contribute equally to discussions. This rule was a product of the past’s patriarchal structure, but now, it feels outdated and even harmful. Today, it’s more about equal opportunity for all, regardless of gender, and embracing the unique perspectives each individual brings to the table. So, speaking first, regardless of gender, is no longer a sign of disrespect—it’s a sign of equality and a modern mindset.
Never Discuss Money
In the past, discussing money was considered a major faux pas, especially in polite company. Conversations about salary, expenses, and personal finances were seen as taboo, something you simply didn’t bring up. This was largely because discussing money was often associated with greed, showing off, or revealing that someone wasn’t as financially secure as they might want others to think. However, as the cost of living rises and financial literacy becomes more widely recognized, talking about money is no longer seen as a social misstep. In fact, there’s been a push for more transparency around finances to help people make informed decisions, whether it’s sharing tips on budgeting or advocating for fair wages. Talking openly about salaries and financial goals can even help promote equality and reduce disparities in income, particularly for underrepresented groups. Moreover, personal finance experts encourage discussing money as a way to normalize it and relieve the shame or anxiety that often accompanies financial struggles. The idea that talking about money is inappropriate now seems a bit out of touch, especially in a world where people are actively working toward financial freedom.
Now, more than ever, people are sharing financial advice online, from podcasts to blog posts, and even social media channels dedicated to personal finance. Transparency about financial struggles has also led to more empathy and support among friends and colleagues. Instead of avoiding the topic of money, many people now openly discuss their financial goals, the challenges they face, and the strategies they use to save, invest, and plan for their futures. In the workplace, salary transparency is becoming a focal point for fair pay advocacy, and in many industries, workers are encouraged to negotiate their pay based on market standards. Rather than hiding the fact that someone is struggling financially, people are more likely to seek help, whether it’s through community resources, professional advice, or simply asking friends for suggestions. The stigma that once surrounded conversations about money is being replaced by a culture of empowerment, where open dialogue can lead to better financial outcomes for everyone involved. So, while this rule once served as a social safeguard, it’s now clear that talking about money can be both productive and important in today’s society.
Always Address People by Their Titles
The Boomer generation held titles in high regard, expecting formalities like “Mr.,” “Mrs.,” or professional titles to be used as a sign of respect. Whether it was addressing a teacher, boss, or even a neighbor, using a title was considered a proper way to show deference. However, this formal approach has given way to a more relaxed, egalitarian form of communication. Today, many people prefer first names even in professional environments, especially in workplaces that encourage collaboration and a more approachable culture. The idea that you need to use a title to show respect seems a bit stiff when compared to the emphasis on inclusivity and fostering personal connections. The rise of casual dress codes and open office layouts has also contributed to a less hierarchical atmosphere. In fact, using formal titles in some settings can even feel cold or impersonal. By calling someone by their first name, it creates an atmosphere where everyone feels on equal footing, fostering better relationships and communication.
This shift is also evident in social settings, where informal introductions are now the norm. A simple “Hi, I’m Sarah” feels much more inviting than “Hello, Mr. Johnson.” Even in situations where titles were once expected, like formal events or at work, many people are breaking away from these traditions. Professionals, for instance, may address colleagues by their first names even if they’re in different positions of authority. This approach makes interactions feel more human, helping to remove any unnecessary barriers between individuals. However, it’s important to note that some people still prefer being addressed by their titles, especially in more traditional or conservative settings. In those cases, it’s best to follow their lead, but for the most part, the trend is leaning towards first-name basis communication. So, while titles used to be the golden rule of respect, they’ve since been replaced with a preference for a more casual and approachable tone in daily interactions.
Send Handwritten Thank You Notes
The art of writing a thank-you note by hand was a hallmark of good manners for Boomers. It was seen as a way to show appreciation and acknowledge someone’s generosity or kindness in a meaningful way. While this gesture is still appreciated by some, the practice of sending handwritten notes has largely fallen out of favor in favor of quicker, more efficient communication methods. Today, most people send a text, email, or even a thank-you post on social media, as they can convey the same sentiment in a fraction of the time. It’s not that gratitude is any less genuine—it’s just that technology has changed how we express it. A handwritten note may feel more personal, but in today’s fast-paced world, a well-crafted email can achieve the same purpose and be received almost instantly. The immediacy of digital communication has made it the preferred method for many to express their thanks.
Moreover, technology has made it easier to send customized thank-you messages, allowing people to include images, gifs, or other fun elements that add personality to their appreciation. In some cases, people even opt to send video messages or make phone calls, which can feel more personal and immediate than writing a note. This shift also reflects changing expectations around time and efficiency. With busy schedules, many people simply don’t have the time to sit down and handwrite a note, especially for every gift or favor they receive. That said, there are still those who appreciate the effort behind a handwritten message, and it’s always a good idea to consider the recipient’s preferences. But in general, the practice of writing thank-you notes by hand is becoming less common, replaced by quicker, more convenient ways of expressing gratitude.
Wait for the Host to Start Eating
This one goes way back to dinner party etiquette, where you were supposed to wait until the host began eating before you touched your plate. It was a symbol of respect, showing that you honored the host’s role in leading the gathering. While this may have been the norm in the past, today’s more relaxed dining culture has made this rule feel a bit outdated. People now dig in as soon as they’re ready, and no one really expects the host to take the first bite. In fact, at many casual dinners or work lunches, the idea of waiting for the host to start eating doesn’t even come up. It’s more about enjoying the meal and the company, without worrying about when it’s “appropriate” to start. Today, meals are often informal and spontaneous, whether it’s grabbing a quick bite with colleagues or sharing a meal with friends. The pressure to follow such rigid dining rules has faded, and now it’s about comfort and enjoying the experience.
The informal nature of modern dining extends beyond the food itself. Buffet-style events, potlucks, and casual dinner parties have become much more common, where people serve themselves and start eating when it feels right. Even in more formal settings, the expectation to wait for the host is no longer a strict rule. People may still follow it as a sign of respect, but it’s no longer something that carries the same weight it once did. The emphasis has shifted from formalities to enjoying the meal and the social experience of sharing it. Whether it’s at a restaurant, a family dinner, or a casual gathering, the focus has shifted from rigid rules to creating an atmosphere of ease and enjoyment. So, while waiting for the host to start eating may have been a symbol of good manners in the past, today it’s more about feeling at ease and participating in the moment without overthinking the details.
Don’t Talk Politics at the Dinner Table
A rule that was ingrained in many households was the belief that politics should never be discussed at the dinner table. It was considered inappropriate and divisive, something that could lead to uncomfortable tension among family members or guests. The idea was to avoid conflict and ensure everyone could enjoy the meal without getting into heated debates. However, with today’s deeply polarized political climate, it’s not uncommon for political discussions to occur at social gatherings, whether it’s a family dinner or a night out with friends. Conversations around politics are happening more often, partly due to social media and the rise of news outlets covering political events 24/7. While it can certainly lead to passionate debates, it’s also a way for people to express their values and engage with others who may have differing opinions. The key is knowing how to navigate these conversations respectfully and thoughtfully.
In some families and social circles, political discussions have even become a staple, where people share their views on current events and engage in friendly debates. For many, it’s become an opportunity to learn, grow, and challenge their own beliefs. However, this doesn’t mean the conversation is always smooth sailing. Some still believe that certain topics are better left undiscussed at the table, especially if they lead to tension. But as the lines between social and political issues blur more and more, it seems harder to avoid these discussions entirely. Rather than avoiding politics altogether, many people are learning to engage with differing viewpoints in a respectful and thoughtful way. The emphasis now is on healthy debate, understanding, and not letting differences of opinion ruin the mood. Whether you’re at a dinner party or a holiday meal, the once-strict rule about not talking politics has faded, replaced with a more open and honest approach to sharing perspectives.
Never Show Up Without a Gift
When attending social gatherings, especially dinner parties, it was once considered poor form to show up without a gift for the host. The gesture was a sign of appreciation for the invitation and the effort the host put into organizing the event. However, as social norms have shifted, the expectation of bringing a gift has become less rigid. In many cases, the gift-giving tradition has been replaced with other gestures, such as offering to help with food prep, cleaning up, or even just expressing gratitude verbally. People today feel less pressure to show up with a physical gift, especially if the gathering is casual. The focus has shifted more toward spending time together and enjoying each other’s company, rather than worrying about material tokens of appreciation. In fact, some hosts today prefer not to receive gifts at all, as they may feel uncomfortable or obligated to reciprocate.
The idea of not showing up with a gift can also depend on the nature of the event. For instance, a casual BBQ with friends or a small get-together may not require any kind of gift, while a formal wedding or baby shower might still hold on to that tradition. However, in many instances, it’s the thoughtfulness and effort that count more than the material value of a gift. Even something as simple as bringing a homemade dessert, helping with cleaning, or contributing to the conversation can be seen as a gesture of appreciation. The culture around gift-giving has evolved to be less about following formal rules and more about showing gratitude in ways that feel authentic and personal. So, while it may have once been unthinkable to attend an event empty-handed, the expectation has become much more relaxed in today’s society.
Always Dress Up for the Occasion
Boomers were known for their emphasis on dressing up for nearly every occasion, from casual dinners to formal events. This belief in dressing up as a sign of respect was rooted in a time when people took pride in their appearance and saw it as a way to honor the event they were attending. In contrast, today’s society is much more focused on comfort, with athleisure and casual wear becoming the norm. Many events that once required formal attire are now attended in jeans, sneakers, and even sweatpants. While dressing up is still expected for certain events, such as weddings or corporate galas, the line between formal and casual has blurred significantly. People no longer feel compelled to wear suits or dresses to gatherings where comfort and personal expression are prioritized. Instead of putting on a façade of formality, the modern approach values authenticity and individuality in dress.
This change in attitude toward clothing has been especially noticeable with the rise of remote work and casual office environments. Business casual has become the new standard, and many workplaces encourage employees to dress comfortably while still looking professional. Even in social settings, there’s less pressure to conform to specific dress codes. With the increase in laid-back events like barbecues, casual brunches, or outdoor picnics, it’s no longer necessary to put on your best attire to be respectful. Dressing up is still an option, but it’s no longer a rule. The focus has shifted to feeling comfortable and confident in whatever you wear, with less emphasis on impressing others with your outfit. Whether it’s a dinner with friends or a day at the office, it’s become more about expressing yourself and being true to your personal style, without the pressure to adhere to outdated rules.
Always Keep Your Elbows off the Table
This rule was drilled into many of us growing up—never place your elbows on the table while eating. The reasoning behind it was largely based on a need to maintain good posture and create a more formal, dignified appearance during meals. But, like many old-fashioned dining habits, this one has slowly faded from daily practice. In fact, for many, it’s now considered totally acceptable to rest your elbows on the table, especially during casual meals with friends or family. Dining etiquette has become much more relaxed over the years, and the emphasis is now on comfort and enjoying the meal rather than rigidly following rules about posture. While some formal settings might still encourage you to keep your elbows off the table, most people today don’t bat an eye if someone does the opposite during dinner. The focus has shifted away from scrutinizing every little detail of one’s dining behavior.
In a way, the focus on keeping elbows off the table was part of a larger set of formal dining rules designed to promote a certain level of decorum and seriousness during meals. Today, those standards seem a little out of touch, especially in our more casual social environments. In fact, many people find it more comfortable to rest their arms on the table, especially during long dinners or when engaging in deep conversation. This rule has become a relic of a time when every aspect of behavior had to be perfectly proper. Now, meals are meant to be enjoyed and relaxed, allowing guests to get comfortable and focus on the company and conversation, rather than worrying about their posture. Ultimately, the rule about elbows on the table has fallen away as social norms have evolved toward more natural, informal dining experiences.
Never Split the Bill
The old rule about never splitting the bill at a restaurant has been all but abandoned by many today. In the past, when dining out with others, it was often considered poor etiquette to suggest splitting the bill evenly, especially in business or formal settings. It was expected that one person, often the host or the person who invited others out, would cover the entire cost of the meal. This approach was rooted in traditions of generosity and formality. However, with the rise of casual dining and more group outings, splitting the bill has become the norm. Whether it’s a group of friends at a local restaurant or colleagues at a lunch meeting, people now expect to go Dutch without a second thought. The idea of one person paying for everyone’s meal has given way to a more equitable way of handling group expenses.
The trend toward splitting the bill isn’t just about practicality; it’s also a sign of shifting social norms. It reflects a more egalitarian approach to social interactions, where no one person feels burdened with the cost of a shared experience. This change has been especially noticeable among younger generations, who often view it as a way to avoid any awkwardness or discomfort that might arise from one person paying for everyone. Moreover, digital payment options like Venmo and Cash App have made splitting the bill easier than ever. Everyone can pay their share with a few taps on their phone, avoiding the need to settle complicated calculations or divide up the check. Today, it’s not unusual to ask the server to split the check between several people or to divide the total according to what each person ordered. What was once considered a breach of etiquette is now a common and expected practice in social dining.
Don’t Cross Your Legs
Crossing your legs, particularly at the knee, was once considered impolite or improper, especially for women. The notion behind this rule was rooted in the belief that sitting with crossed legs could appear unladylike or even disrespectful. It was a way to maintain a “proper” appearance, particularly in formal or professional settings. However, as fashion and social norms have evolved, sitting with crossed legs has become completely acceptable, even fashionable. In fact, it’s now one of the most comfortable ways to sit for many people, especially when it comes to casual settings or when you’re trying to relax. Whether you’re sitting at your desk, in a meeting, or at a dinner table, crossing your legs has become a normal part of posture. It’s hard to find a situation where doing so would be deemed rude anymore.
What’s more, the rise of more relaxed and inclusive workplace environments has further broken down the rules surrounding posture and body language. Comfort is now often prioritized over strict etiquette, and people are encouraged to feel at ease in their surroundings. Rather than being told to sit up straight or avoid crossing legs, modern etiquette emphasizes the importance of good posture in a general sense, not specific body positions. The belief that crossing legs is inherently improper now feels outdated, especially when you consider that body language is much more about how people feel in their space than about following specific rules. While it’s still important to be aware of your posture in professional settings, the once-strict rule against crossing legs has lost its hold in favor of a more flexible approach to sitting.
Always Answer the Phone
In the past, it was considered rude not to answer the phone when it rang, especially if it was in your home or business. If the phone rang, you were expected to pick it up, regardless of what you were doing. This rule reflected the importance of punctuality and responsiveness, as well as a sense of social duty. However, as society has shifted toward valuing personal space and boundaries, this rule has become much less relevant. Today, it’s perfectly acceptable to let a call go to voicemail, especially if you’re in the middle of something or don’t recognize the number. In fact, many people even screen calls without feeling the need to pick up immediately. The constant connectivity that once required immediate responses has been replaced with a more thoughtful, intentional approach to communication. Thanks to technology, it’s now easier to manage calls on your own time, whether through voicemail, text, or digital communication apps.
The shift away from answering the phone at all costs has been largely driven by the rise of digital communication, where it’s often more convenient to send a message or wait for a voicemail. With more people juggling work, family, and personal time, being glued to the phone isn’t practical anymore. Additionally, the rise of robocalls and spam has made answering the phone on the first ring less desirable. People are much more cautious about who they interact with and when, valuing their time and peace of mind. So, while the idea of answering the phone at all costs was once a social expectation, today it’s more about managing your time and communications in a way that works for you. There’s no need to jump at the phone every time it rings, and doing so no longer feels like a rule that needs to be followed.